Newsletter 019.
the psychological discomfort of self-confrontation (why do people cringe at the sound of their own voice?)
I really hate the sound of my own voice.
it’s weird to do a weekly Podcast, and detest your own voice.
I know…
I really like asking questions, and knowing obscure things though.
and that far outweighs hating my own voice, so I can compartmentalize it all.
I talk about this a couple times a week…
honestly with 100% of my guests.
listeners too, new and old.
in an attempt to learn a bit more about it, here’s what I was able to ascertain.
To understand why hearing your recorded voice feels so awkward, it's important to know how we normally hear ourselves…
when you speak, sound waves travel in two ways: externally and internally.
Externally, sound waves leave your mouth, travel through the air, and reach your ears, which is how others hear you.
but internally, the process is quite different.
the vibrations from your vocal cords travel through your skull, where they are conducted by the bones in your head.
this internal conduction emphasizes lower frequencies, making your voice sound richer and deeper to you than it does to others.
When you hear a recording of your voice, you’re hearing it without the internal bone conduction.
the result is a sound that’s higher-pitched and thinner than what you’re used to.
it can feel like hearing a stranger’s voice…
one that doesn’t match the deep, resonant tones you’re accustomed to hearing in your head.
Beyond the physiological differences, hearing your recorded voice can trigger psychological discomfort.
this is because our voice is a fundamental part of our identity.
we’ve spent our whole lives with an internal version of how we sound, and this version is so closely tied to our self-image.
when the recorded voice doesn’t match what we believe we sound like, it creates a dissonance, a type of clash between expectation and reality.
This dissonance can make us feel self-conscious or even embarrassed.
it’s as if the recorded voice reveals a side of ourselves we didn’t know existed, and that revelation can be seemingly uncomfortable.
we may start to question how others perceive us or worry that we don’t sound as confident or pleasant as we once thought.
Humans are naturally inclined to be self-critical, and this extends to how we perceive our own voices.
many people are overly harsh on themselves, focusing on perceived flaws and imperfections.
when you hear your recorded voice, you might zero in on things like a slight lisp, a higher pitch, or an unexpected accent…
things that others likely don’t notice or care about.
This self-criticism is amplified by the fact that most people aren’t used to hearing themselves from an external perspective.
we’re accustomed to hearing our voice in real-time, where we can adjust our tone or delivery based on immediate feedback.
a recording strips away that control, leaving us to scrutinize the unalterable final product.
Another reason we cringe at our own voice, is simply because it’s so unfamiliar.
we’re used to hearing other people’s voices from an external perspective, so those sounds feel normal and routine to us.
but since we rarely hear our own voice in the same way, it tends to feel strange and unnatural.
Over time, however, this discomfort can lessen.
people who work in professions where they regularly hear their recorded voice, such as podcasters, actors, or singers, often become moderately accustomed to it.
through repeated exposure, they become more familiar with how they sound externally and are less likely to recoil when they hear a recording.
Not liking the sound of your own voice is a natural reaction deeply rooted in both physiological and psychological factors.
it’s a perpetual reminder of the complex relationship we have with our self-perception and how we attempt to present ourselves to the world.
I feel like it’s something a person can never get fully used to.
here’s to trying though…
enjoy the rest of your week.